Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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