Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
