Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
