I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Quick, to the slutcave!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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