just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
