Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
