Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize