Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
