my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
is that a dick in a sweater?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
