Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
