Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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