We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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