He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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