There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
