When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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