I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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