Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
