you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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