Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
