I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
