is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
