lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
