.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
