When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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