Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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