oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
