What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
