I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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