I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
