She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
