well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
