I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
