I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
