he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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