I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
