textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
