he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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