Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
