all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
