i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
