Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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