Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
