I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
