This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
