He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize