never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
