well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
