oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
