The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
