you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
