Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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