nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
