My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
