Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
