I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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