Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
