Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
