You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You may now shotgun with the bride
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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