You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize