I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
