I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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