the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
