I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
