The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
