david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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