8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
