i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize