So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
