So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
