So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
