i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
