New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
