I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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