Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will be naked everywhere
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
