Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
