Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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