Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
