This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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