I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
