When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
