totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you.
Bad choice
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
