My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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