She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
