People in love make me want to vomit
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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