I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she looked like the before picture.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize