I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize