For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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