piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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