He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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