"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
