Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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