I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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