last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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