take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
