i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
