what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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