Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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