If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
