Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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